I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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