mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
