You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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