and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
