found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
