thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wish I only lived at night.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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