i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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