The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
