hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
