in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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