Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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