I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
