My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
They left me at home... I'm a liability
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
