sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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