Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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