My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
