Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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