In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
