i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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