Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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