my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
