im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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