"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
