I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
