Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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