are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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