im having a threesome with these popsicles
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
