Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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