Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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