another moral hangover. fuck.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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