My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
