I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
