Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
