Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
When did we convert life to cartoon?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
