NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
