I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
