i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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