who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
