Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
he puts the penis in happiness.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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