we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
