i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
