Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
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