Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
