Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
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