...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
