I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
