Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
