1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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