I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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