Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
