hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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