fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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