I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
