I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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