i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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