I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
