Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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