Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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