i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
