dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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