why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
