found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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