are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
