Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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