Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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