me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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