How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
