my being single is dangerous.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This house was built for laser tag.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
