Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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