I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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