it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
