good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
