Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
