i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
