Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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