god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
